Posts Tagged ‘elder care’
Grandma Alice Solution for Lonliness
Sunday, July 18th, 2010
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Monday, June 28th, 2010CLICK “PLAY” BELOW . . .
See What Some Of Our Subscribers & Clients Have Said About Us . . .
“The support and solid advice I’ve been given these last 4 very long years of dealing with a difficult sibling and a dear mother with declining and debilitating dementia helped to keep me able to deal with the many challenges that I’ve had to face. Believe me it is a mine field.
With Mikol and Carolyn, it has made such a difference in figuring out and deciding how to proceed and ended up with me realizing my own strength in the process.
Hard lessons I came to terms with and continue with daily and on many levels. Thank you both so much!”
-Susan B.
“Carolyn and Dr Davis are experts in the field of mediation. I have personally witnessed their work with elderly clients and their families. Through their expertise and detailed inquiry they were able to assist the client and their children through a difficult process.”-E. Tina Chepick RN GCM (Geriatric Care Manager, RN)
“Carolyn was one of Gilbert Guide’s expert columnists during my tenure as managing editor. Not only was I impressed by the breadth and depth of her expertise—on an array of senior-related topics ranging from senior driving to home care—but I was also pleased to discover such a strong writing talent. Being a registered nurse and an attorney, Carolyn has a unique background that lends itself to senior advocacy, but what really makes her stand out is not simply her knowledge and experience; it’s that she’s creative, business-savvy, rigorous in her pursuit of justice, and tireless, as she’s constantly searching for new avenues of helping others. She’s also a joy to work with. I recommend her highly.” -Nikki Jong, Editor Gilbert Guide
“I am always blown away with the way you can cut things to the chase and see what is really going on. It is very hard for me to focus and not get caught up in all the details and miss seeing the clear picture. I have learned a lot about myself from your feedback.” -Mary C. (Recent Client)
“My 80 year old mother has early stage Alzheimer’s Disease, yet STILL has very clear ideas of her own! What a pleasure to work with caring professionals willing to make the effort to really listen to her, to her concerns and wishes – as well as advising me in my role as caretaker, healthcare proxy and power of attorney. With the huge workload and responsibilities of care-taking, (plus pressures from both immediate and extended family,) I can’t imagine how we’d manage without the ongoing support and guidance my mother and I receive from Ms. Rosenblatt and Dr. Davis. Thank you, both.”-Jessica C. (Recent Client)
“I talked to seven different lawyers in trying to figure out what kind of help to get for my father. No one seemed to be able to really tell me what I needed. Carolyn, you were the most practical of anyone. You were amazingly helpful.”-Jane H., MD
“I really didn’t know what to do with my crazy sister. She was making my life miserable. I was so relieved when you told me what to say to her in the letter you helped me write. I was worried that she was going to kidnap my mom and it would be so dangerous with her Alzheimer’s. We finally worked it out, and she isn’t giving us any trouble anymore. Mom is stable now.”-Linda H.
“Dear Ms. Rosenblatt & Dr. Davis:… After talking to some of the care managers you recommended, my sisters and I met with Michele Boudinot yesterday. We liked her very much and feel that she will be able to help us set up care for our mother that better meets her current needs. Thank you again the valuable information and advise.” -Mary
“Dear Ms. Rosenblatt & Dr. Davis,
Thank you for your time in managing the meeting with our family. While it was challenging at times, it could not have taken place without your expertise and knowledge of elders and their families. You kept us on-track and focused on the facts to reach a positive outcome (we may have never reached a resolution on our own).
My younger sister called me and offered to get dad’s list of medications and we’ll be meeting with his physician as well. I also reached out to my other sister so we’re all moving in the right direction.
Thank you again for helping us focus on the most important thing that ties us together…our dad.”
-Wendy York
“Dear AgingParents.com
I want to compliment Carolyn Rosenblatt and Dr. Davis on the newsletter you’ve been sending out to the community. It is exceptionally informative. You have provided useful tools and information to those of us working in the field of gerontology and the legal arena. I appreciate the efforts and applaud the web site.
I look forward to receiving future issues.
Be well and thank you again.”
-Diane Wadsworth-Woolley, J.D.;MSW;ACSW;RAS
Incompetent Elders Can’t Sign Legal Papers
Tuesday, February 16th, 2010I am hearing more and more about how someone in a family gets an elder with dementia to sign a durable power of attorney when the person is no longer competent to know what they are signing. 
© 2010, AgingParents.comOther siblings are upset and angry about manipulation of the vulnerable elder. Is it legal to get a signature under those circumstances? Of course not. But people do it to take control of money and believe that they can get away with it because the elder won’t object and because it’s expensive to try to stop the person who is the “agent” on the power of attorney.
Is there anything one can do if this has happened to your elder? Yes, there may be something you can do. First, if the elder has “cognitive impairment” or has been diagnosed with dementia, it is important to get a letter from the elder’s physician verifying that he or she is not competent to handle his or her finances any longer. Without medical or psychological evaluation of the elder and evidence from one of these professionals, it is almost impossible to protect the elder from financial abuse.
One way around the problem is to seek the advice of an elder law attorney, who may be able to convince the court to order an evaluation, even if the “agent” objects to having the elder tested for competency by a doctor.
If an agent on a durable power of attorney has taken control of the elder’s finances and is not using the elder’s money for the elder’s benefit, it may be time to get the authorities involved. Taking an elder’s money and using it for any purpose other than to care for and protect the elder’s health, safety and quality of life may be financial abuse. If so, it must be reported to the police, adult protective services in your area, or to a doctor, who will report the problem to the proper law enforcement entity. The letter reporting the evaluation of the elder’s mental competency is a crucial part of reporting alleged elder abuse. Without it, law enforcement may not be able to tell who is being truthful and who is not.
Carolyn L. Rosenblatt, RN, Attorney
What Price, Denial? Elders losing mental capacity
Monday, December 21st, 2009
What Price, Denial?
Sometimes I am astounded by the situations we encounter as consultants being asked for advice. Elders losing mental capacity and being at risk for financial abuse are recurring themes.
Take this real situation, in a question I recently answered in response to an anonymous person. The location is unknown, but it could be anywhere. It seems that Dad was declared incompetent three years ago. He attends a senior center in his town several days a week. A woman there has been giving him lots of attention and the family is worried. She may not be in the U.S. legally. Her interest seems to come from ulterior motives. Dad has money. He has been financially abused before, and the family is aware of the problem.
The family is worried about what to do because the woman is now persuading Dad to do things with her outside the senior center. They all think she’s after his finances. Here’s the astonishing part: the Dad, incompetent and financially abused in the past more than once, still has access to his checking account and his money market accounts! What are they thinking?
My advice was the obvious: immediately cut off his access to the checking account and money market account. They would need to do this via a durable power of attorney. I am hoping this family had him sign one before he became incompetent. If not, it may be too late. You can’t legally sign documents when you’re incompetent. If they blew it, and never got this done, they have only one choice to protect Dad from a financial predator, and that is guardianship, also called conservatorship. It requires going to court. It’s expensive. It’s a lot of trouble. In Dad’s case, it might be the only thing left that could keep him from financial disaster.
I had a lot of trouble understanding how a family with a Dad in that condition could let him keep using his money freely, knowing he couldn’t make competent decisions. Maybe he has so much money no one cares, but that would be very unusual. It is financial abuse waiting to happen, and it ‘s not the first time.
Is the family in denial about what financial incompetence means? Are they afraid of Dad? Are they all such wimps that they can’t simply step up and take responsibility? I’m not sure, but this is not the first time I have been asked about this, and in a similar situation.
Financial abuse is estimated to cost our elders $2.6 billion per year. We hope that is enough to get everyone’s attention. Here’s what adult children need to know to keep this from happening to you and your loved ones.
1. Have a durable power of attorney signed by your aging parent now, while he/she is still competent. If you don’t know how to do this, start with your local Agency on Aging, and ask for a referral to the right help.
2. When Mom/Dad starts to slip mentally, is declared incompetent by a doctor, or otherwise shows signs of being unable to make safe financial decisions, take charge and don’t hesitate. It’s what loving and responsible children do for their aging parents. Use that power of attorney and take over. That’s what the document is for. Protect her or him from being a victim of abuse.
3. If you are reading this when your elder is already incompetent, and wouldn’t know what he’s signing, forget trying to get a power of attorney. It’s no longer legal to get a signature on something an elder can’t understand anymore. You have to see an attorney and get a guardianship/conservatorship.
If writing this saves one single person from being ripped off, I would be very happy. I am urging everyone with aging loved ones to take a hard look at your own parents. Your denial or theirs about their vulnerability carries too high a price.
To get more specifics about what to do if your parent is not able to handle finances anymore, see the short booklet, How to Handle Money for Aging Loved Ones, part of The Boomer’s Guide to Aging Parents, available at AgingParents.com or on Amazon.
© 2009, AgingParents.com
Elder Care: Are You Responsible for End of Life Decisions?
Tuesday, July 28th, 2009When Is It Time to Stop Treatment?
Critical Elder Care Decisions
By Carolyn L. Rosenblatt, R.N., B.S.N., Attorney, AgingParents.com
Today a client came for advice, very emotional about her situation. Her mother, age 90, just got out of the skilled nursing facility where she had been for a couple of weeks. Before that, she was in the hospital for 2 weeks. She has Alzheimer’s disease and has dementia in the middle stage. She also had the swine flu, pneumonia, heart failure, unstable blood pressure and a bladder infection.
There had been a terrible conflict in the hospital between the client and mom’s doctors. She wanted information. They didn’t tell her what she needed to know. People in the hospital were pressuring daughter to sign an agreement for a “Do Not Resuscitate” order. In other words, she, as power of attorney, had to agree not to resuscitate mom if her heart stopped. Daughter didn’t know what to do, so she did nothing.
Daughter was very confused by the “choices” of partial resuscitation, full code, or something in between. Who wouldn’t be confused? No regular person whose parent was in a crisis could get this straight without a kind person sitting down and explaining it. No one did. The “fight” went on. Mom somehow survived.
Mom is lucid enough to know what is going on. She was very clear in her healthcare directive: no artificial means should be used to prolong her life once she was diagnosed with an incurable condition. Her condition is incurable, all right. No one initially made it clear to daughter, but she suspected that was it. All the relatives had come to say their goodbyes. Yet, treatment went on. Tests, injections antibiotics, 20 pills a day, more tests. “ For what? “ the daughter asked.
When I sat with her and asked her what she wanted for her mom, she told me that mom asked her if she would please get a gun. Mom absolutely wanted all the treatment to stop. She was alert and unafraid of the end of life. Daughter wasn’t sure how to proceed.
I discussed a plan with daughter to bring mom home to her house so mom could spend her last days with her family. Could daughter choose to stop all the pills? Yes, that’s what the healthcare directive certainly gave her the power to do. Was it “legal” for her to take mom out of the board and care home where she was being cared for? Of course.
I recommended that she discuss the plan with mom’s two doctors. Both were very cooperative. I recommended that Hospice be contacted. The doctor agreed to order hospice for mom. We spent time talking about how daughter could make mom’s last days comfortable, and how to stop the medications.
Daughter was extremely relieved. She said, “this is the first time I’ve felt that I’m getting things in balance and doing what mom wants in two months!”
The problem of being a parent’s advocate, yet having to make decisions about stopping treatment is never easy. The doctors may not be of any help. Their job is to save lives. Few will tell you about the real choice not to “save” a 90 year old who doesn’t want to keep going with chemicals and treatments prolonging her life anymore. This daughter is a model of how to proceed with a difficult decision in a reasonable way. She got advice and took leadership with all the healthcare providers. She brought mom home.
We wish her and her mom a peaceful last part of mom’s life. Her compassion and wisdom in making sure her mother could be at home to the very end is something to learn from.
(C) 2009, AgingParents.com, Carolyn L. Rosenblatt, R.N., B.S.N., Attorney