My parents were married for 62 years. They had a good marriage and made a good life for me and my sister. Mom was very dependent on my father to do most all things around the house. She was not very mechanical or resourceful when it came to problem solving. Mom always had a rocky relationship with my older sister. So when my father died two years ago, I knew that my role with my mother was about to change. So now after raising two children, both in their twenties and living independently, I WORRY ABOUT MOM BEING ALONE. I feel sad for my mother. I want so much to relieve the pain she feels from loneliness. I feel so blessed that I have a loving wife of 28 years and two great kids. But, what do I do about Mom? I live about 500 miles away, and try to call her every day. I encourage her to continue and reach out to others, and generally she does quite well socially. However, no one can replace the lifelong companionship my father provided Mom. You know, even after working as a psychologist for over 37 years, knowing that I can’t take anyone’s pain away, I still want to do more for my wonderful mom. Anyone got some solutions for the good doctor?
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My younger sister called me and offered to get dad’s list of medications and we’ll be meeting with his physician as well. I also reached out to my other sister so we’re all moving in the right direction.
Thank you again for helping us focus on the most important thing that ties us together…our dad.” -Wendy York
“Dear AgingParents.com
I want to compliment Carolyn Rosenblatt and Dr. Davis on the newsletter you’ve been sending out to the community. It is exceptionally informative. You have provided useful tools and information to those of us working in the field of gerontology and the legal arena. I appreciate the efforts and applaud the web site.
Answer:
a. Customer’s name
b. Customer’s partial home address
c. Hotel room number
d. Check-in date and out dates
e. Customer’s credit card number and expiration date!
When you turn them in to the front desk your personal information is there for any employee to access by simply scanning the card in the hotel scanner. An employee can take a hand full of cards home and using a scanning device, access the information onto a l aptop computer and go shopping at your expense.
Simply put, hotels do not erase the information on these cards until an employee reissues the card to the next hotel guest. At that time, the new guest’s information is electronically ‘overwritten’ on the card and the previous guest’s information is erased in the overwriting process.
But until the card is rewritten for the next guest, it usually is kept in a drawer at the front desk with YOUR INFORMATION ON IT!
The bottom line is: Keep the cards, take them home with you, or destroy them. NEVER leave them behind in the room or room wastebasket, and NEVER turn them into the front desk when you check out of a room. They will not charge you for the card (it’s illegal) and you’ll be sure you are not leaving a lot of valuable personal information on it that could be easily lifted off with any simple scanning device card reader.
For the same reason, if you arrive at the airport and d iscover you still have the card key in your pocket, do not toss it in an airport trash basket. Take it home and destroy it by cutting it up, especially through the electronic information strip!
If you have a small magnet, pass it across the magnetic strip several times. Then try it in the door, it will not work. It erases everything on the card.
Information courtesy of: Metropolitan Police Service.
PLEASE FORWARD to friends and family
This is pretty good info. Never even thought about key cards containing anything other than an access code for the room!
The latest article on the challenges of aging and the universal need for companionship
By Carolyn Rosenblatt
Special to Marinscope Newspapers
Inundated with marketing about Valentine’s Day events, I noticed a glaring lack of silver hair in all the pictures of happy couples. Valentine’s Day, like most commentary about romance, was clearly not made with seniors in mind. Our culture seems to entirely dismiss the concept that older people, divorced or widowed, might fall in love again. But they do…….
Is there anything one can do if this has happened to your elder? Yes, there may be something you can do. First, if the elder has “cognitive impairment” or has been diagnosed with dementia, it is important to get a letter from the elder’s physician verifying that he or she is not competent to handle his or her finances any longer. Without medical or psychological evaluation of the elder and evidence from one of these professionals, it is almost impossible to protect the elder from financial abuse.
One way around the problem is to seek the advice of an elder law attorney, who may be able to convince the court to order an evaluation, even if the “agent” objects to having the elder tested for competency by a doctor.
If an agent on a durable power of attorney has taken control of the elder’s finances and is not using the elder’s money for the elder’s benefit, it may be time to get the authorities involved. Taking an elder’s money and using it for any purpose other than to care for and protect the elder’s health, safety and quality of life may be financial abuse. If so, it must be reported to the police, adult protective services in your area, or to a doctor, who will report the problem to the proper law enforcement entity. The letter reporting the evaluation of the elder’s mental competency is a crucial part of reporting alleged elder abuse. Without it, law enforcement may not be able to tell who is being truthful and who is not.
Yesterday, there was a news report of another heartbreaking story of an elder who died of exposure after wandering outside a nursing home. She got lost and died in the cold. How does this happen? It’s not the first story I’ve read of such a tragic death. Aren’t the care facilities watching our elders?
The truth is, it’s hard to keep track of elders who get confused and wander. Care facilities that offer skilled nursing, as this facility did, are supposed to be able to monitor their residents and keep them safe at all times. Federal and State regulations mandate that safety precautions be taken to protect elders who are known to be confused and unable to protect themselves. What goes wrong?
I’ve read the citations from our state, hundreds of them, given to nursing care facilities which failed to keep their residents safe and something went terribly wrong. What goes wrong is that in every instance, the facility is violating its own policies and procedures by not paying attention, being distracted, or simply by having incompetent staff.
What can be done about this? How can we prevent it? First, the state needs to more carefully monitor and significantly punish facilities that violate safety standards. A common consequence when the state finds a safety violation is a citation and a small fine to the facility. Guess that’s not doing the job, is it? Sometimes, these facilities need to be shut down. Cutting state budgets for enforcement of the rules literally costs lives.
Further, families need to become the safety police. They need to call their elder every day and visit whenever possible. I can assure you that the quality of care a nursing home resident gets has a relationship to how often family visits and calls to check on them. If your elder has a tendency to wander outside, be sure you insist that safety measures are in place, specifically tailored to your aging loved one’s habits and needs. If you speak up, ask questions and require accountability, your parent or loved one’s chances to stay safe are a lot better.
Many of us have not seen our parents for much of the year. Now with the holidays upon us, many of us will be spending time with our aging loved ones. Sometimes we find that mom and or dad have begun to show some slipping in their day to day functioning. The direct visual awareness of our parents falling compentencies is often a wake up call to do some planning for the future. Here’s a “heads up” about our own denial: most of us cope with difficult or unpleasant realities by using denial. That is, we pretend. We make excuses. They don’t have a memory loss problem, they’re just tired. We overlook, ignore, and even use what psychologists call “magical thinking”. It doesn’t exist. Our parent isn’t failing in health, they’re just having a bad day.
The visit to parents is an opportunity. You can see, first hand, how they’re getting along. You have a chance to bring up any concerns in a gentle and respectful way, after the party is over and when things are a little quieter. I’m urging our readers to think about a visit as a chance to do some planning ahead while you are face to face with your elders. Do yourself a favor this holiday season. Take the time to talk about what might happen over time, when most elders need some kind of help. Sadly, most people wait for a crisis to do any planning, and then, it can be too late to get documents signed, get the information you need to help you with decision-making, and go forward with what you parent wants. There’s a rule of thumb that you can follow: if your parent is in his or her 70′s or older, and you’re in your 40′s or older, now’s the time for the talk.
Be sure you ask about where your parents want to age as they possibly need help with everyday activities. If they say they want to stay at home, as most people prefer, talk about money. How will they pay for help at home? Who will provide it? Are the legal documents in place, such as durable power of attorney and healthcare directive (also called proxy)? Does your family know who will be in charge of making decisions if your parents are incapacitated?
All this may not feel so festive, but it’s certainly necessary. It’s a season of peace. Good information and taking the responsibility to start the conversation about these issues can bring peace of mind to all.
It thought that once our children became adults it would be our time to just enjoy our Golden Years. No one ever told us about that now we needed to now care for our aging loved ones. So how do you do it without making yourself nuts. Well it sure does take a lot of physical and emotional work.
There is often a part of me that just wants to deny that my aging parent really needs my regular involvement in her life now that my father has passed. I try to busy my life with all the distractions, and responsibilities my modern live idemands. However there is always that nagging voice in my head that screams, Did you call Mom today? Well my internal voice often wins out and I do call her if only for a brief call to make sure she is OK.
My latest accomplichment with my 87 year old mother, is that she has agreed to call me each day so that I can know she is alright.
My parents were married for 62 years. They had a good marriage and made a good life for me and my sister. Mom was very dependent on my father to do most all things around the house. She was not very mechanical or resourceful when it came to problem solving. Mom always had a rocky relationship with my older sister. So when my father died two years ago, I knew that my role with my mother was about to change. So now after raising two children, both in their twenties and living independently, I WORRY ABOUT MOM BEING ALONE. I feel sad for my mother. I want so much to relieve the pain she feels from loneliness. I feel so blessed that I have a loving wife of 28 years and two great kids. But, what do I do about Mom? I live about 500 miles away, and try to call her every day. I encourage her to continue and reach out to others, and generally she does quite well socially. However, no one can replace the lifelong companionship my father provided Mom. You know, even after working as a psychologist for over 37 years, knowing that I can’t take anyone’s pain away, I still want to do more for my wonderful mom. Anyone got some solutions for the good doctor?
Now with the holidays upon us, many of us will be spending time with our aging loved ones. Sometimes we find that mom and or dad have begun to show some slipping in their day to day functioning. The direct visual awareness of our parents falling compentencies is often a wake up call to do some planning for the future. Here’s a “heads up” about our own denial: most of us cope with difficult or unpleasant realities by using denial. That is, we pretend. We make excuses. They don’t have a memory loss problem, they’re just tired. We overlook, ignore, and even use what psychologists call “magical thinking”. It doesn’t exist. Our parent isn’t failing in health, they’re just having a bad day.
It thought that once our children became adults it would be our time to just enjoy our Golden Years. No one ever told us about that now we needed to now care for our aging loved ones. So how do you do it without making yourself nuts. Well it sure does take a lot of physical and emotional work.